This web site is a feature of Total Control Distributorships Copyright 2000 |
Comedy Cabin |
Welcome to the Comedy Cabin where a laugh is as close as your bathroom mirror! |
ONLY IN AMERICA... ...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. ...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. ...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. ...do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke. ...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. ...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. ...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. ...do we have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering. |
Q. Did you hear what happened to the tapdancer? A. She slipped and fell in the sink. Q. What do you do when swallowed by an elephant? A. Run around til you get pooped out! |
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GETTING 'MARVELOUSLY MATURE' WHEN............. 1. You and your teeth don't sleep together. 2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any. 3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal. 4. Your back goes out but you stay home. 5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture. 6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. 7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. 8. When happy hour is a nap. 9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.. 10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it. 11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age. 12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there. 13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up. 14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired. 15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer. 16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr. 17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. 18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend. 19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot. 20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals. 21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good. 22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work. 23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time. 24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there. 25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good. 26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore. 27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. 28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it. |
3 guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there. St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because you're here. Before I let you into Heaven, I have to ask you something. You have to have a car in Heaven because Heaven is so big, what kind of car you get will depend on your answer." The first guy walks up and Peter asks the first guy, "How long were you married?" The first guy says, "24 years." "Did you ever cheat on your wife?", Peter asked. The guy said, "Yeah, 7 times...but you said I was forgiven." Peter said, "yeah, but that's not too good. Here's a Pinto to drive." The second guy walks up and gets the same question from Peter. The second guy said, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her once, but that was our first year and we really worked it out good." Peter said, "I'm pleased to hear that, here's a Lincoln." The 3rd guy walked up and said, "Peter, I know what you're going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didn't even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!" Peter said, "That's what I like to hear. Here's a Jaguar!" A few days later, the 2 guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk. When they asked the guy with the Jaguar what was wrong, he said, "I just saw my wife, she was on a skateboard!" |
A few deep thoughts * A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where train stops. On my desk, I have a work station... * If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with "quit while you're ahead"? * I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible whole lot more as they get older, then it dawned on me. they were cramming for their finals. * I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use...Toothpicks? * Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do...write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail? * How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there? * If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for? * Go ahead and take risks....just be sure that everything will turn out OK. * If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. * Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? * Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. * How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dissing them anyhow? * Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why people appear bright until you hear them speak? * How come "abbreviated" is such a long word? * If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? These fine words were brought to you by Backcountry Time and Joke-a-day. |
This web site is a feature of Total Control Distributorships Copyright 2000 |
This page was last updated on: December 7, 2001
